One of the Rhythms of My Life

1. Take cold cup of coffee or tea in hand.
2. Open microwave door.
3. Remove cup I forgot to retrieve X hours before.
4. Insert cup.
5. Turn on microwave.
6. Plan to return when the cup is hot.
7. Repeat.

Catholicism & Dentistry

For me, visiting the dental hygienest is a very Catholic experience. I lie under a drape and confess to the venial sins of inadequate brushing and almost no flossing, and I feel great pangs of guilt. After putting me through some minor uncomfortableness, my uniformed confessor gently chastises me and sends me home to perform the dental equivalent of a dozen Hail Marys.

I leave the office feeling much better.

Some Recent Tweets

stuartvyse stuartvyse 

Observations about my gym: Very few men who go there wear scarves. #JustMe

stuartvyse stuartvyse 

Making pizza in the shape of Iowa for dinner. Could be the beginning of a Primary-Caucus Pizza Challenge. #SuperTuesdayMightBeAProblem

stuartvyse stuartvyse 

hoping college-aged daughter is not too old to go to Muppet movie with me. #youngkidneededforcover

stuartvyse stuartvyse 

A good day of teaching is a good day. #ILoveMyJob

Great Under-appreciated Invention #2: The Styptic Pencil

I’ve never been all that good at shaving. This odd and somewhat barbaric cultural custom requires a substantial degree of patience and care, but when the time comes to remove the morning stubble, I am always in a hurry. Today’s high tech disposable razors are remarkably sharp, and I am not safe with one unless I’ve used it way past the usual disposal time and it is as dull as a butter knife. As a result, I often nick myself creating tiny bleeders that would be a great embarrassment out in the world.

Enter the messy, chalky, but completely essential styptic pencil. Yes, it stings a bit, but I don’t mind. The stinging tells me I’ve hit the right spot, and the astringent is doing its job. And it never fails. A quick dab with this wet rock immediately stanches the bleed. If I forget to wash my face off later, the pencil leaves unattractive white marks behind, but I find they come off in the shower without restarting the flow of blood. Amazing. I keep one at home and in my traveling toiletry bag.

I don’t know who first introduced me to the styptic pencil, but I would like to thank whomever it was in absentia. You did me a great service. In turn, I have carried on the tradition by giving my son his first styptic pencil when became a shaver.

Great Under-appreciated Invention #1: The Rubber Band

I am starting a new category of entry: Great Under-appreciated Inventions, and the honor of GUAI #1 goes to the rubber band (AKA elastic band), patented in 1845 by Stephen Perry, a British inventor and business man.

I have a deep love of office supplies in general, but I particularly love the rubber band. Elastics have limitless possibilities. The world is populated with so many loose things in need of binding, and the rubber band provides a daily hedge against entropy.

A simple yet elegant invention. I keep plenty of them around, both at home and in the office.

Thank you Stephen Perry.

Overheard on a Flight from Tampa to New Orleans

Four bachelor-partying men discussing (a) the best ways to encourage wives to lose weight and (b) how to avoid getting into fights with a member of the group who was reputed to be a bad drunk. All over Bloody Marys at noon.

Simple Pleasures: Comfortable Socks

Despite being way down there at the ends of our legs, feet are remarkably sensitive appendages. When struck or stubbed, they smart viciously, and over many centuries of mutual exploration, lovers all over the world have discovered the unique erogenous electricity of the tender regions of the foot.  But in the cooler months of the year, few things can compare to the soft caress of a good pair of socks. They protect us from hard edges and unyielding surfaces and hold our most distant parts in a warm embrace. Whether slipped into a shoe or worn alone, good socks are good friends.